Let God Be God

Great post today from the site Treatment Talk. It was about a man who faced the adversity of being fired from his job. He experienced all the anger, sadness, fear that we all feel. The great thing is the story was full of hope. This man, who was a high powered exec in NYC took minimum wage jobs, went to seminary school and became a hospital Chaplin.Here was a man who took what should have been a devastating blow and he turned it in to opportunity.

We in recovery need to take this lesson and move our lives forward. Like many others, I have made a shambles of my life. From the outside looking in, things can look as though they are a mess. I refuse to think that way anymore. I look at it as if I am sitting in the middle of opportunity. God has me right where he wants me.

At the moment, I have no clue how things will play out and as I have heard in meetings, it is actually none of my business. I do know onr thing though, as long as I stick with and let God be God, things will be OK.

Principles

Of course, principles before personalities they say. I had talked in an earlier post on how I had this backward, personalities before principles and where it got me. Just a different seat on a sinking ship. It is a good thing the lifeboats were out there.

When I got back in the rooms I knew I had to have an attitude change. No matter what I thought about the speaker I had to listen carefully and get something out of the lead. or during a discussion meeting I had to consider everyone's opinion valid for them.

It has taken allot of prayer on my part and a working of the steps. Maybe what I don't like in others I also see in myself. I had a sponsor a while back and he tried to help me see this. He told me in the Big Book there were only 3 rules that AA has. He suggested I read the first 164 pages and find them. It took me 3 readings to find them all. I will share one with you...Be hard on yourself and tolerant of others. I say this as a prayer as I go into a meeting. Has it helped? Yea, maybe somewhat.

Principles before Personalities

Remember, it is principles before personalities. I have forgotten this guiding principle too many times. I have hated AA. I have despised the fellowship. I would look around the rooms and judge people. People who did not live up to what they preached. People who still participated in “bar behaviors” even as the espoused the principles of the program and provided sponsorship. Where did my attitudes get me? Just a different seat on the Titanic.

I went to a meeting last night. When I saw who the lead was I wanted to leave. I have never liked this man but as I stated in a previous post, I am approaching my recovery with a new attitude. I listened to this man’s lead. He has been sober since 1988 and I have only been sober for a couple months. If I listened with an open mind, I might just learn something. His lead was heavy on war stories. I like leads that can combine those war stories with a message of hope, a message of recovery. Did I learn anything from him? While I am still trying to digest and process, I learned he has been sober since 1988.

For me the best part of last night’s meeting was being greeted by an old friend. He said he was happy to see me for 4 straight Saturdays, How nice. The funny thing is I was happy to see him for 4 straight Saturdays. Also, an older gentleman stood up and made a comment which I appreciated so I told him so after the meeting. This is the meeting I walk to and to my surprise, the old gentleman and I walked home the same way. It was just nice.

Prayer and Meditation; The 11th Step

There seemed to be an overriding theme at the meetings I attended this week. Emphasis was placed on prayer and meditation. We all know why prayer and meditation are important; we are talking Step 11 here. After all that is the goal of the 12 Steps, to bring us closer to God.

What disturbed me was that many people shared that they are not very good at prayer and meditation. You know what I think? They must not be bad at it or they wouldn’t be sitting in a meeting sharing. I am positive that everyone in that meeting at one time said the prayer that I said and still say, the alcoholic’s prayer, “God help me!” It doesn’t need to be any more complicated than that. But we good addicted people are always looking for more, even if it is in our prayer life.

Any attempt at prayer is good. There are many ways to pray and one is not better than the other. If you are stuck have someone who is familiar with the Big Book point out to you the prayers that go along with each step. They are in there. Some people use more formal prayers such as those you may have learned in childhood. You clergy can also help you with prayer. One method I use is my daily Bible readings. Before I read, I clear my mind and ask God to let me learn the lesson found in His Word. I then sit quietly for a few minutes afterward and try to think about what was said. Remember one thing though as you pray, your prayers should be for others and when you do pray for yourself it should be as unselfish as possible.

Meditation is something that also seems to throw people for a loop. We think of Buddhists chanting, monks sitting in caves contemplating the nature of God, thoughts taking us into a far off cosmos. It is much simpler than that. My ritual as I said before is to quietly think about what I just read and try to let it absorb deep into my being. I find another great time for meditation is while walking. I love ecclesiastical spaces. I find, especially after a meeting, walking through a church courtyard seems to empty my mind for a few minutes. Meditation at its simplest is listening for God’s answer.

We are all good at prayer and meditation. What do you think started you on that journey of recovery? That paper from the courts is actually God’s answer to your prayers for help.

Coffee For a Cause

I have a friend at my church, Grace Church in Ohio, who started a great non profit venture. He took a love of coffee and a desire to serve God to create the Greater Bean Coffee company. The whole idea behind this is to help widows and orphans while giving all praise to our Lord, Jesus Christ. This man roasts, packages and markets the coffee himself. What a great way to carry out the message of the Gospel.

If you work in a place that consumes coffee or run a recovery meeting that serves coffee or even for home use, I urge you to go to Greater Bean Coffee and order yours from there. Each order is guaranteed to honor God! It is also a great cup of coffee.

Using Tools

I was on this great high for a week. Anyone looking in from the outside would have thought I was a nut job. I had a court date, my household exploded beyond total chaos and I was under worked. But it was funny, all was well. What made the week OK? Just the simple attitude that God has me right where he wants me. That's it, that simple.

I was at a discussion meeting last night and the topic was how you use the Serenity Prayer as a tool for your life. I related my story of my week and my reactions to events and I had someone turn to me and say that what I shared was the Serenity Prayer in action. Here I thought it was my mantra for the week that carried me through. My mantra happened to be a shortened version of the prayer. All week long I kept telling myself I could see myself as sitting in a pile of shit or I can see myself as sitting in the middle of opportunity. I chose the latter option over the former.

I don’t want to analyze too deeply what went on, what caused me to have an attitude of acceptance which also led to an attitude of serenity, all I know is I felt as if I were in the calm of the eye of a hurricane. I can only tell you what I did. My prayers to my Higher Power were simple. “Just help me through this and let me accept the outcome,” is what I prayed over and over. I kept in contact with friends in recovery and those “earth people” whom I trust. Meetings were also a big part of the week. I am so blessed in the fact that the area I live in has over 1,100 meetings a week. While I did not make it to all 1,1000 I made as many as I needed. Keeping in contact, even visiting recovery websites and Facebook pages, had helped me through the week.

Just a short postscript; after my Sunday night meeting I came home to relax. I went to one of those websites where you hit a button and they generate random websites for you to look at. Since one of my interests is cooking a baking site came up and the recipe was for Irish Car Bomb cupcakes. Man, did that send my head spinning in the wrong direction. What did I do? I put into place the recipe I used for my sobriety from the week before.

Lemonade

I am a sucker for lemonade, a complete total sucker. I don’t care whether it is hand squeezed or the powdered type, I just love lemonade. This is a great thing for me. My addictions have given me so many lemons I will be squeezing for quite a while. Of course, my pile of lemons also grows by life on life’s terms.

The great state where I live and one of its counties have decided that I should not drive for a while and I am still not done with it all. I still have a couple more dates with judges. I know right now that they will not be happy with my driving record or the reasons I will be seeing them but you know what? Those things are my past and even though I will be paying for the dance, it is the past. I have been looking at this as a nudge, no actually a board to the head from my Higher Power. This is the time to take a deep breath, keep working steps and continue on a journey. My life is better already.

Walk? Hell yea!! I can walk to the stores I need. I even have a movie theater just blocks away from my home.. Any night of the week I can walk to a meeting. Why just last Saturday I walked to a meeting at a church. When I came out of the meeting it was about 15 degrees out with a clear sky. I have always been a sucker for ecclesiastical spaces and it was just cool walking through the still church courtyard with the constellations shining brightly down on me. A little meditation time. My Higher Power, me and His creation. A little more than 12 steps home but not many more. Very tasty lemonade indeed.