From East to West

Images and music can be powerful tools in your spiritual growth. Today, I was listening to a song by Casting Crowns, East to West. I thought about Jesus hanging on that cross, bloody, beaten, dying. Dying for my sins, my sinfulness. His blood dripping off of Him, sanctifying the ground, sanctifying me. Washing away the sins and transgressions.

I was crushed, crushed to the ground. Heavy weight would not let me stand. The weight of shame, guilt, sorrow. I was on my knees, bent at the waist. I tried to lift my head and look again at my Savior on the cross. I couldn't do it, the weight was too great. I then thought of Him risen, risen in all His glory, bathed in white, strong, almost blinding white light. I am able to lift my head a bit now. There He is! In white, radiance streaming forward and past me. Almost hot, almost too much to look at. Almost too much to bear. How could I have become the man that I was? This is too much for me. I am able to get up off my knee just a  little. The weight is heavy, it is sapping all my strength, my resources.

He reaches His hand to me. Mine reaches toward Him. I am suddenly able to stand.................

Staying in Touch

Recovery cannot happen in a vacuum. There is much said in the recovery community about the importance of staying in touch. We are lucky in this day and age. We have many tools at our disposal. Texts, email and cell phones have made it simple to reach out to others. Social networking sites have made it easy to share our feelings, give encouragement and exchange ideas with each other.

I belong to a great group at my church, Grace Church in Middleburg Hts., Ohio. This group, 12 Steps for Christian Men, part of the Recovery Ministry at Grace Church, has an active calling list. We try to call just to say hello, to let others know we are praying for them and just simply to keep in touch.

As I have said in previous posts, I am looking to do things different this time. I have failed in doing things my way. What has helped to keep me sober has been reaching out. I find that when I feel lonely, depressed and isolated a call or a text to someone makes me feel just a touch better. I only hope my call to someone else benefits them also.

If you are not reaching out to others try it. Call, email or text at least 4 people a day. This will take you just that much farther from the drink.

Using Tools

I was on this great high for a week. Anyone looking in from the outside would have thought I was a nut job. I had a court date, my household exploded beyond total chaos and I was under worked. But it was funny, all was well. What made the week OK? Just the simple attitude that God has me right where he wants me. That's it, that simple.

I was at a discussion meeting last night and the topic was how you use the Serenity Prayer as a tool for your life. I related my story of my week and my reactions to events and I had someone turn to me and say that what I shared was the Serenity Prayer in action. Here I thought it was my mantra for the week that carried me through. My mantra happened to be a shortened version of the prayer. All week long I kept telling myself I could see myself as sitting in a pile of shit or I can see myself as sitting in the middle of opportunity. I chose the latter option over the former.

I don’t want to analyze too deeply what went on, what caused me to have an attitude of acceptance which also led to an attitude of serenity, all I know is I felt as if I were in the calm of the eye of a hurricane. I can only tell you what I did. My prayers to my Higher Power were simple. “Just help me through this and let me accept the outcome,” is what I prayed over and over. I kept in contact with friends in recovery and those “earth people” whom I trust. Meetings were also a big part of the week. I am so blessed in the fact that the area I live in has over 1,100 meetings a week. While I did not make it to all 1,1000 I made as many as I needed. Keeping in contact, even visiting recovery websites and Facebook pages, had helped me through the week.

Just a short postscript; after my Sunday night meeting I came home to relax. I went to one of those websites where you hit a button and they generate random websites for you to look at. Since one of my interests is cooking a baking site came up and the recipe was for Irish Car Bomb cupcakes. Man, did that send my head spinning in the wrong direction. What did I do? I put into place the recipe I used for my sobriety from the week before.

Lemonade

I am a sucker for lemonade, a complete total sucker. I don’t care whether it is hand squeezed or the powdered type, I just love lemonade. This is a great thing for me. My addictions have given me so many lemons I will be squeezing for quite a while. Of course, my pile of lemons also grows by life on life’s terms.

The great state where I live and one of its counties have decided that I should not drive for a while and I am still not done with it all. I still have a couple more dates with judges. I know right now that they will not be happy with my driving record or the reasons I will be seeing them but you know what? Those things are my past and even though I will be paying for the dance, it is the past. I have been looking at this as a nudge, no actually a board to the head from my Higher Power. This is the time to take a deep breath, keep working steps and continue on a journey. My life is better already.

Walk? Hell yea!! I can walk to the stores I need. I even have a movie theater just blocks away from my home.. Any night of the week I can walk to a meeting. Why just last Saturday I walked to a meeting at a church. When I came out of the meeting it was about 15 degrees out with a clear sky. I have always been a sucker for ecclesiastical spaces and it was just cool walking through the still church courtyard with the constellations shining brightly down on me. A little meditation time. My Higher Power, me and His creation. A little more than 12 steps home but not many more. Very tasty lemonade indeed.