Principles before Personalities

Remember, it is principles before personalities. I have forgotten this guiding principle too many times. I have hated AA. I have despised the fellowship. I would look around the rooms and judge people. People who did not live up to what they preached. People who still participated in “bar behaviors” even as the espoused the principles of the program and provided sponsorship. Where did my attitudes get me? Just a different seat on the Titanic.

I went to a meeting last night. When I saw who the lead was I wanted to leave. I have never liked this man but as I stated in a previous post, I am approaching my recovery with a new attitude. I listened to this man’s lead. He has been sober since 1988 and I have only been sober for a couple months. If I listened with an open mind, I might just learn something. His lead was heavy on war stories. I like leads that can combine those war stories with a message of hope, a message of recovery. Did I learn anything from him? While I am still trying to digest and process, I learned he has been sober since 1988.

For me the best part of last night’s meeting was being greeted by an old friend. He said he was happy to see me for 4 straight Saturdays, How nice. The funny thing is I was happy to see him for 4 straight Saturdays. Also, an older gentleman stood up and made a comment which I appreciated so I told him so after the meeting. This is the meeting I walk to and to my surprise, the old gentleman and I walked home the same way. It was just nice.

Prayer and Meditation; The 11th Step

There seemed to be an overriding theme at the meetings I attended this week. Emphasis was placed on prayer and meditation. We all know why prayer and meditation are important; we are talking Step 11 here. After all that is the goal of the 12 Steps, to bring us closer to God.

What disturbed me was that many people shared that they are not very good at prayer and meditation. You know what I think? They must not be bad at it or they wouldn’t be sitting in a meeting sharing. I am positive that everyone in that meeting at one time said the prayer that I said and still say, the alcoholic’s prayer, “God help me!” It doesn’t need to be any more complicated than that. But we good addicted people are always looking for more, even if it is in our prayer life.

Any attempt at prayer is good. There are many ways to pray and one is not better than the other. If you are stuck have someone who is familiar with the Big Book point out to you the prayers that go along with each step. They are in there. Some people use more formal prayers such as those you may have learned in childhood. You clergy can also help you with prayer. One method I use is my daily Bible readings. Before I read, I clear my mind and ask God to let me learn the lesson found in His Word. I then sit quietly for a few minutes afterward and try to think about what was said. Remember one thing though as you pray, your prayers should be for others and when you do pray for yourself it should be as unselfish as possible.

Meditation is something that also seems to throw people for a loop. We think of Buddhists chanting, monks sitting in caves contemplating the nature of God, thoughts taking us into a far off cosmos. It is much simpler than that. My ritual as I said before is to quietly think about what I just read and try to let it absorb deep into my being. I find another great time for meditation is while walking. I love ecclesiastical spaces. I find, especially after a meeting, walking through a church courtyard seems to empty my mind for a few minutes. Meditation at its simplest is listening for God’s answer.

We are all good at prayer and meditation. What do you think started you on that journey of recovery? That paper from the courts is actually God’s answer to your prayers for help.

Using Tools

I was on this great high for a week. Anyone looking in from the outside would have thought I was a nut job. I had a court date, my household exploded beyond total chaos and I was under worked. But it was funny, all was well. What made the week OK? Just the simple attitude that God has me right where he wants me. That's it, that simple.

I was at a discussion meeting last night and the topic was how you use the Serenity Prayer as a tool for your life. I related my story of my week and my reactions to events and I had someone turn to me and say that what I shared was the Serenity Prayer in action. Here I thought it was my mantra for the week that carried me through. My mantra happened to be a shortened version of the prayer. All week long I kept telling myself I could see myself as sitting in a pile of shit or I can see myself as sitting in the middle of opportunity. I chose the latter option over the former.

I don’t want to analyze too deeply what went on, what caused me to have an attitude of acceptance which also led to an attitude of serenity, all I know is I felt as if I were in the calm of the eye of a hurricane. I can only tell you what I did. My prayers to my Higher Power were simple. “Just help me through this and let me accept the outcome,” is what I prayed over and over. I kept in contact with friends in recovery and those “earth people” whom I trust. Meetings were also a big part of the week. I am so blessed in the fact that the area I live in has over 1,100 meetings a week. While I did not make it to all 1,1000 I made as many as I needed. Keeping in contact, even visiting recovery websites and Facebook pages, had helped me through the week.

Just a short postscript; after my Sunday night meeting I came home to relax. I went to one of those websites where you hit a button and they generate random websites for you to look at. Since one of my interests is cooking a baking site came up and the recipe was for Irish Car Bomb cupcakes. Man, did that send my head spinning in the wrong direction. What did I do? I put into place the recipe I used for my sobriety from the week before.