From East to West

Images and music can be powerful tools in your spiritual growth. Today, I was listening to a song by Casting Crowns, East to West. I thought about Jesus hanging on that cross, bloody, beaten, dying. Dying for my sins, my sinfulness. His blood dripping off of Him, sanctifying the ground, sanctifying me. Washing away the sins and transgressions.

I was crushed, crushed to the ground. Heavy weight would not let me stand. The weight of shame, guilt, sorrow. I was on my knees, bent at the waist. I tried to lift my head and look again at my Savior on the cross. I couldn't do it, the weight was too great. I then thought of Him risen, risen in all His glory, bathed in white, strong, almost blinding white light. I am able to lift my head a bit now. There He is! In white, radiance streaming forward and past me. Almost hot, almost too much to look at. Almost too much to bear. How could I have become the man that I was? This is too much for me. I am able to get up off my knee just a  little. The weight is heavy, it is sapping all my strength, my resources.

He reaches His hand to me. Mine reaches toward Him. I am suddenly able to stand.................

Sexual Struggles

I attended an addiction workshop at  Grace Church over the weekend. We were asked about topics for future presentations. I suggested a greater insight on those suffering from sexual addictions. In our Friday night group, 12 Steps for Christian Men, we welcome all. We have a number of men suffering from sexual addictions. I do not know much about their struggles. I came across this article today though.....http://pastors.com/what-sexual-strugglers-wish-their-pastors-knew/. I am happy for the insight and I hope it gives me a better understanding and a deeper compassion.

Staying in Touch

Recovery cannot happen in a vacuum. There is much said in the recovery community about the importance of staying in touch. We are lucky in this day and age. We have many tools at our disposal. Texts, email and cell phones have made it simple to reach out to others. Social networking sites have made it easy to share our feelings, give encouragement and exchange ideas with each other.

I belong to a great group at my church, Grace Church in Middleburg Hts., Ohio. This group, 12 Steps for Christian Men, part of the Recovery Ministry at Grace Church, has an active calling list. We try to call just to say hello, to let others know we are praying for them and just simply to keep in touch.

As I have said in previous posts, I am looking to do things different this time. I have failed in doing things my way. What has helped to keep me sober has been reaching out. I find that when I feel lonely, depressed and isolated a call or a text to someone makes me feel just a touch better. I only hope my call to someone else benefits them also.

If you are not reaching out to others try it. Call, email or text at least 4 people a day. This will take you just that much farther from the drink.

Let God Be God

Great post today from the site Treatment Talk. It was about a man who faced the adversity of being fired from his job. He experienced all the anger, sadness, fear that we all feel. The great thing is the story was full of hope. This man, who was a high powered exec in NYC took minimum wage jobs, went to seminary school and became a hospital Chaplin.Here was a man who took what should have been a devastating blow and he turned it in to opportunity.

We in recovery need to take this lesson and move our lives forward. Like many others, I have made a shambles of my life. From the outside looking in, things can look as though they are a mess. I refuse to think that way anymore. I look at it as if I am sitting in the middle of opportunity. God has me right where he wants me.

At the moment, I have no clue how things will play out and as I have heard in meetings, it is actually none of my business. I do know onr thing though, as long as I stick with and let God be God, things will be OK.

Principles

Of course, principles before personalities they say. I had talked in an earlier post on how I had this backward, personalities before principles and where it got me. Just a different seat on a sinking ship. It is a good thing the lifeboats were out there.

When I got back in the rooms I knew I had to have an attitude change. No matter what I thought about the speaker I had to listen carefully and get something out of the lead. or during a discussion meeting I had to consider everyone's opinion valid for them.

It has taken allot of prayer on my part and a working of the steps. Maybe what I don't like in others I also see in myself. I had a sponsor a while back and he tried to help me see this. He told me in the Big Book there were only 3 rules that AA has. He suggested I read the first 164 pages and find them. It took me 3 readings to find them all. I will share one with you...Be hard on yourself and tolerant of others. I say this as a prayer as I go into a meeting. Has it helped? Yea, maybe somewhat.

Principles before Personalities

Remember, it is principles before personalities. I have forgotten this guiding principle too many times. I have hated AA. I have despised the fellowship. I would look around the rooms and judge people. People who did not live up to what they preached. People who still participated in “bar behaviors” even as the espoused the principles of the program and provided sponsorship. Where did my attitudes get me? Just a different seat on the Titanic.

I went to a meeting last night. When I saw who the lead was I wanted to leave. I have never liked this man but as I stated in a previous post, I am approaching my recovery with a new attitude. I listened to this man’s lead. He has been sober since 1988 and I have only been sober for a couple months. If I listened with an open mind, I might just learn something. His lead was heavy on war stories. I like leads that can combine those war stories with a message of hope, a message of recovery. Did I learn anything from him? While I am still trying to digest and process, I learned he has been sober since 1988.

For me the best part of last night’s meeting was being greeted by an old friend. He said he was happy to see me for 4 straight Saturdays, How nice. The funny thing is I was happy to see him for 4 straight Saturdays. Also, an older gentleman stood up and made a comment which I appreciated so I told him so after the meeting. This is the meeting I walk to and to my surprise, the old gentleman and I walked home the same way. It was just nice.

Prayer and Meditation; The 11th Step

There seemed to be an overriding theme at the meetings I attended this week. Emphasis was placed on prayer and meditation. We all know why prayer and meditation are important; we are talking Step 11 here. After all that is the goal of the 12 Steps, to bring us closer to God.

What disturbed me was that many people shared that they are not very good at prayer and meditation. You know what I think? They must not be bad at it or they wouldn’t be sitting in a meeting sharing. I am positive that everyone in that meeting at one time said the prayer that I said and still say, the alcoholic’s prayer, “God help me!” It doesn’t need to be any more complicated than that. But we good addicted people are always looking for more, even if it is in our prayer life.

Any attempt at prayer is good. There are many ways to pray and one is not better than the other. If you are stuck have someone who is familiar with the Big Book point out to you the prayers that go along with each step. They are in there. Some people use more formal prayers such as those you may have learned in childhood. You clergy can also help you with prayer. One method I use is my daily Bible readings. Before I read, I clear my mind and ask God to let me learn the lesson found in His Word. I then sit quietly for a few minutes afterward and try to think about what was said. Remember one thing though as you pray, your prayers should be for others and when you do pray for yourself it should be as unselfish as possible.

Meditation is something that also seems to throw people for a loop. We think of Buddhists chanting, monks sitting in caves contemplating the nature of God, thoughts taking us into a far off cosmos. It is much simpler than that. My ritual as I said before is to quietly think about what I just read and try to let it absorb deep into my being. I find another great time for meditation is while walking. I love ecclesiastical spaces. I find, especially after a meeting, walking through a church courtyard seems to empty my mind for a few minutes. Meditation at its simplest is listening for God’s answer.

We are all good at prayer and meditation. What do you think started you on that journey of recovery? That paper from the courts is actually God’s answer to your prayers for help.