From East to West

Images and music can be powerful tools in your spiritual growth. Today, I was listening to a song by Casting Crowns, East to West. I thought about Jesus hanging on that cross, bloody, beaten, dying. Dying for my sins, my sinfulness. His blood dripping off of Him, sanctifying the ground, sanctifying me. Washing away the sins and transgressions.

I was crushed, crushed to the ground. Heavy weight would not let me stand. The weight of shame, guilt, sorrow. I was on my knees, bent at the waist. I tried to lift my head and look again at my Savior on the cross. I couldn't do it, the weight was too great. I then thought of Him risen, risen in all His glory, bathed in white, strong, almost blinding white light. I am able to lift my head a bit now. There He is! In white, radiance streaming forward and past me. Almost hot, almost too much to look at. Almost too much to bear. How could I have become the man that I was? This is too much for me. I am able to get up off my knee just a  little. The weight is heavy, it is sapping all my strength, my resources.

He reaches His hand to me. Mine reaches toward Him. I am suddenly able to stand.................

Sexual Struggles

I attended an addiction workshop at  Grace Church over the weekend. We were asked about topics for future presentations. I suggested a greater insight on those suffering from sexual addictions. In our Friday night group, 12 Steps for Christian Men, we welcome all. We have a number of men suffering from sexual addictions. I do not know much about their struggles. I came across this article today though.....http://pastors.com/what-sexual-strugglers-wish-their-pastors-knew/. I am happy for the insight and I hope it gives me a better understanding and a deeper compassion.

Staying in Touch

Recovery cannot happen in a vacuum. There is much said in the recovery community about the importance of staying in touch. We are lucky in this day and age. We have many tools at our disposal. Texts, email and cell phones have made it simple to reach out to others. Social networking sites have made it easy to share our feelings, give encouragement and exchange ideas with each other.

I belong to a great group at my church, Grace Church in Middleburg Hts., Ohio. This group, 12 Steps for Christian Men, part of the Recovery Ministry at Grace Church, has an active calling list. We try to call just to say hello, to let others know we are praying for them and just simply to keep in touch.

As I have said in previous posts, I am looking to do things different this time. I have failed in doing things my way. What has helped to keep me sober has been reaching out. I find that when I feel lonely, depressed and isolated a call or a text to someone makes me feel just a touch better. I only hope my call to someone else benefits them also.

If you are not reaching out to others try it. Call, email or text at least 4 people a day. This will take you just that much farther from the drink.

Let God Be God

Great post today from the site Treatment Talk. It was about a man who faced the adversity of being fired from his job. He experienced all the anger, sadness, fear that we all feel. The great thing is the story was full of hope. This man, who was a high powered exec in NYC took minimum wage jobs, went to seminary school and became a hospital Chaplin.Here was a man who took what should have been a devastating blow and he turned it in to opportunity.

We in recovery need to take this lesson and move our lives forward. Like many others, I have made a shambles of my life. From the outside looking in, things can look as though they are a mess. I refuse to think that way anymore. I look at it as if I am sitting in the middle of opportunity. God has me right where he wants me.

At the moment, I have no clue how things will play out and as I have heard in meetings, it is actually none of my business. I do know onr thing though, as long as I stick with and let God be God, things will be OK.

Principles

Of course, principles before personalities they say. I had talked in an earlier post on how I had this backward, personalities before principles and where it got me. Just a different seat on a sinking ship. It is a good thing the lifeboats were out there.

When I got back in the rooms I knew I had to have an attitude change. No matter what I thought about the speaker I had to listen carefully and get something out of the lead. or during a discussion meeting I had to consider everyone's opinion valid for them.

It has taken allot of prayer on my part and a working of the steps. Maybe what I don't like in others I also see in myself. I had a sponsor a while back and he tried to help me see this. He told me in the Big Book there were only 3 rules that AA has. He suggested I read the first 164 pages and find them. It took me 3 readings to find them all. I will share one with you...Be hard on yourself and tolerant of others. I say this as a prayer as I go into a meeting. Has it helped? Yea, maybe somewhat.

Principles before Personalities

Remember, it is principles before personalities. I have forgotten this guiding principle too many times. I have hated AA. I have despised the fellowship. I would look around the rooms and judge people. People who did not live up to what they preached. People who still participated in “bar behaviors” even as the espoused the principles of the program and provided sponsorship. Where did my attitudes get me? Just a different seat on the Titanic.

I went to a meeting last night. When I saw who the lead was I wanted to leave. I have never liked this man but as I stated in a previous post, I am approaching my recovery with a new attitude. I listened to this man’s lead. He has been sober since 1988 and I have only been sober for a couple months. If I listened with an open mind, I might just learn something. His lead was heavy on war stories. I like leads that can combine those war stories with a message of hope, a message of recovery. Did I learn anything from him? While I am still trying to digest and process, I learned he has been sober since 1988.

For me the best part of last night’s meeting was being greeted by an old friend. He said he was happy to see me for 4 straight Saturdays, How nice. The funny thing is I was happy to see him for 4 straight Saturdays. Also, an older gentleman stood up and made a comment which I appreciated so I told him so after the meeting. This is the meeting I walk to and to my surprise, the old gentleman and I walked home the same way. It was just nice.

Prayer and Meditation; The 11th Step

There seemed to be an overriding theme at the meetings I attended this week. Emphasis was placed on prayer and meditation. We all know why prayer and meditation are important; we are talking Step 11 here. After all that is the goal of the 12 Steps, to bring us closer to God.

What disturbed me was that many people shared that they are not very good at prayer and meditation. You know what I think? They must not be bad at it or they wouldn’t be sitting in a meeting sharing. I am positive that everyone in that meeting at one time said the prayer that I said and still say, the alcoholic’s prayer, “God help me!” It doesn’t need to be any more complicated than that. But we good addicted people are always looking for more, even if it is in our prayer life.

Any attempt at prayer is good. There are many ways to pray and one is not better than the other. If you are stuck have someone who is familiar with the Big Book point out to you the prayers that go along with each step. They are in there. Some people use more formal prayers such as those you may have learned in childhood. You clergy can also help you with prayer. One method I use is my daily Bible readings. Before I read, I clear my mind and ask God to let me learn the lesson found in His Word. I then sit quietly for a few minutes afterward and try to think about what was said. Remember one thing though as you pray, your prayers should be for others and when you do pray for yourself it should be as unselfish as possible.

Meditation is something that also seems to throw people for a loop. We think of Buddhists chanting, monks sitting in caves contemplating the nature of God, thoughts taking us into a far off cosmos. It is much simpler than that. My ritual as I said before is to quietly think about what I just read and try to let it absorb deep into my being. I find another great time for meditation is while walking. I love ecclesiastical spaces. I find, especially after a meeting, walking through a church courtyard seems to empty my mind for a few minutes. Meditation at its simplest is listening for God’s answer.

We are all good at prayer and meditation. What do you think started you on that journey of recovery? That paper from the courts is actually God’s answer to your prayers for help.

Coffee For a Cause

I have a friend at my church, Grace Church in Ohio, who started a great non profit venture. He took a love of coffee and a desire to serve God to create the Greater Bean Coffee company. The whole idea behind this is to help widows and orphans while giving all praise to our Lord, Jesus Christ. This man roasts, packages and markets the coffee himself. What a great way to carry out the message of the Gospel.

If you work in a place that consumes coffee or run a recovery meeting that serves coffee or even for home use, I urge you to go to Greater Bean Coffee and order yours from there. Each order is guaranteed to honor God! It is also a great cup of coffee.

Using Tools

I was on this great high for a week. Anyone looking in from the outside would have thought I was a nut job. I had a court date, my household exploded beyond total chaos and I was under worked. But it was funny, all was well. What made the week OK? Just the simple attitude that God has me right where he wants me. That's it, that simple.

I was at a discussion meeting last night and the topic was how you use the Serenity Prayer as a tool for your life. I related my story of my week and my reactions to events and I had someone turn to me and say that what I shared was the Serenity Prayer in action. Here I thought it was my mantra for the week that carried me through. My mantra happened to be a shortened version of the prayer. All week long I kept telling myself I could see myself as sitting in a pile of shit or I can see myself as sitting in the middle of opportunity. I chose the latter option over the former.

I don’t want to analyze too deeply what went on, what caused me to have an attitude of acceptance which also led to an attitude of serenity, all I know is I felt as if I were in the calm of the eye of a hurricane. I can only tell you what I did. My prayers to my Higher Power were simple. “Just help me through this and let me accept the outcome,” is what I prayed over and over. I kept in contact with friends in recovery and those “earth people” whom I trust. Meetings were also a big part of the week. I am so blessed in the fact that the area I live in has over 1,100 meetings a week. While I did not make it to all 1,1000 I made as many as I needed. Keeping in contact, even visiting recovery websites and Facebook pages, had helped me through the week.

Just a short postscript; after my Sunday night meeting I came home to relax. I went to one of those websites where you hit a button and they generate random websites for you to look at. Since one of my interests is cooking a baking site came up and the recipe was for Irish Car Bomb cupcakes. Man, did that send my head spinning in the wrong direction. What did I do? I put into place the recipe I used for my sobriety from the week before.

Lemonade

I am a sucker for lemonade, a complete total sucker. I don’t care whether it is hand squeezed or the powdered type, I just love lemonade. This is a great thing for me. My addictions have given me so many lemons I will be squeezing for quite a while. Of course, my pile of lemons also grows by life on life’s terms.

The great state where I live and one of its counties have decided that I should not drive for a while and I am still not done with it all. I still have a couple more dates with judges. I know right now that they will not be happy with my driving record or the reasons I will be seeing them but you know what? Those things are my past and even though I will be paying for the dance, it is the past. I have been looking at this as a nudge, no actually a board to the head from my Higher Power. This is the time to take a deep breath, keep working steps and continue on a journey. My life is better already.

Walk? Hell yea!! I can walk to the stores I need. I even have a movie theater just blocks away from my home.. Any night of the week I can walk to a meeting. Why just last Saturday I walked to a meeting at a church. When I came out of the meeting it was about 15 degrees out with a clear sky. I have always been a sucker for ecclesiastical spaces and it was just cool walking through the still church courtyard with the constellations shining brightly down on me. A little meditation time. My Higher Power, me and His creation. A little more than 12 steps home but not many more. Very tasty lemonade indeed.

Relapse

Even though I relapsed more times than I can count I think I still have more "sober" time than drunk time. Thank God I am a binger and not an everyday drinker. Time to shift the paradigm though. Here are my thoughts on that............ http://www.sobernation.com/a-new-approach-throwing-out-preconceived-notions/

I Am Not Unique

Haven't been here in a while. Out on a mission to destroy myself but that is fodder for more writing. I went to Facebook today and the site, Sober Nation, posted that they were looking for writers. I jumped on the opportunity. I wrote an article and it went up. Follow this link and please read....... http://www.sobernation.com/i-am-not-uniqe/

KEN'S MERCYSHIP ADVENTURE: EAST TEXAS TRAINING

KEN'S MERCYSHIP ADVENTURE: EAST TEXAS TRAINING: Good morning! Another day in East Texas! Yeeee Haw www !!! Today we are hearing about KINGDOM PRINCIPALS with a 3 hour lecture and lots of...

Rejected

I wrote this devotional when I was in pain, waking up from a fog and searching. I submitted it to a publisher and it was rejected. Read it and tell me what you think.

Paradise

Read Luke 23:34-43

And Jesus replied, “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

-Luke 23:43 (NLT)

I have pondered these verses quite often. Looking to the Bible for inspiration, I often likened myself to one of the Roman guards. Standing at the foot of the cross, carrying out an execution, like a good soldier, as ordered. People standing around this death scene, some family, friends and followers of the three condemned to die this day. But most came to mock and jeer. I saw myself as one of the Romans, gambling for the condemned’s clothing, laughing, mocking and taunting with bitter wine. Could I have been the one who came to believe at the moment of Jesus’ death? “Surly this man was innocent.”(Luke 23:47) I imagined myself saying these words.

Now I see myself more like the thief hanging beside Christ. Like him, more troubles, most self inflicted, than I care to want. Hanging there, taking in all the clamor and din around him, seeing his beaten, bloodied, mocked and scorned companion in all his humanity, humility, godliness and dignity, he turns to him and asks, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom.”(Luke 23:42) This broken piece of humanity replies with truth and dignity, “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.”(Luke 23:43)

When I need strength, I think of this scene and the simple prayer of the thief and I am reminded that all I have to do is ask God to remember me and He will reward me with paradise.

Ray Mickol (Ohio, USA)

Prayer

God, as you remembered the thief, remember me. As the thief tuned to you in need, let me also remember you in my times of need. Amen.

Thought for the Day

Keep Christ close to your heart

Prayer Focus

For those in a painful struggle with regrets

Does God Answer a Sinners Prayer?

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” Hebrews: 4:16 (NIV)

Prayer can be a scary thing. I know for me, I have had worry about my prayers being heard and answered by God. Like a lot of you out there, alcoholic, addicted or just your garden variety sinner, I have implored God and begged God to help me, to take my affliction, my sin away. I claim to believe but I worry. Being a chronic backslider doesn’t help.

Does God hear and answer my prayers? A friend of mine recently told me that he didn’t think God hears the prayers of a backslider, a sinner. Man, this has a guy like me worried. I never feel I measure up. I always have that sin on my heart. If God does not hear my prayers, why bother then? What good is it?

Until the answer becomes clearer, I will approach the throne with as much confidence as I can muster.

Recreating Yourself

Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.

Being a chronic relapser, I had no clue what this verse meant. If you are anything like me, you prayed the same prayers over and over..."Oh God help me to never do it again...I am so tired..." Unanswered prayers? Not likely. The missing part was me, me not doing my part. How many times has God answered my prayer and I just didn't see, didn't heed His warning, His rebuke, His gentle help.

God is there to help us, all of us. You don't need to be in my boat to need Him. In my case, a decision to place my trust in him has calmed the waters. Turn today to Psalm 34 and read it in its entirety.

If you are wondering, my prayer for the week has been.."Take me Lord in all my inequities and make me who You want me to be."

A New Creation of God

I am a newbie Christian. I, along with my wife, who I currently am separated from, were baptized and became members of the local evangelical church. When I was introduced to the congregation, my buddy, Pastor Harps said, and I swear this is what I heard "Ray is a drunk who will be doing electrical work on our church." Not what he really said. He said I was active in the Recovery Ministry and I would be doing work on the church.

Labels are a funny thing. We put all kinds if labels and signs on ourselves. Some come from that inner, self talk. Others come from what others think of us. Some from our past actions. As an addict, I carry a burden of guilt from my past. All the hurting of others, all my squandering of resources and talents that God has given me.

9/11 just past. The 10th anniversary. 9/11 has always been a hard day for me. Mainly a selfish day. It was always a reminder of what I was, an officer on a big city fire department, and what I had done. I had just before 9/11 lost my job due to use and abuse. I struggled with this for years. Most of us, especially males, derive our identity from the work we do. I have found that with police and firefighters this is more so than the norm.

Anyway, I always had a feeling of impotence around 9/11. Because I had fallen, I could not go to Ground Zero with my colleagues and help out. My wings were broken. Every year around the anniversary, I would be flooded with those same self sorrowful feelings.

This past January, I was baptized and accepted Christ into my life. He has been revealing to me my new and true identity. My friend, who just came back from a year in rehab and is now going on a 2 year mission with Mercy Ship Africa (sponsor him please..go to http://www.mercyships.org/pages/make-a-gift, hit crewmates and type in the name Hatfield). He gave a talk at church and instead of introducing himself as an alcoholic/addict, he introduced himself as 'a new creation in Christ." Those were beautiful words.

Hello There, I'm a Drunk and Addict

So you've seen my kind before, I'm positive of that. We are all over. Some might be in your family. Some are in your workplace. It cuts all peoples equally. I am a drunk and an addict.

I heard the testimony of my friend the other day. Cool stuff. He was bad, bad off. Like me. He went to Teen Challenge for a year. Studied, straightened up, cleaned up. I am jealous. My last use was 2 nights ago. I had some beer to calm me down. The night before, actually earlier that morning, I finished a binge with a "side dish."

I was baptized and also proclaimed membership in my local church. Cool stuff. I was told the evil one would come after me hard and fast.......that he did. Or was that just the addictive part of my brain taking a hold of another excuse and running amok as usual.

Unanswered prayers. On my Twitter feed I followed a link to Francis Chan talking about unanswered prayers. I pray. I pray a lot. God gives and I destroy. Now that my life is a shambled mess, I am seeking God more than ever.

Thank you father for all the chances I have been given even though I have blown them all. Let me look to you and keep on believing and loving. Do not let my addictions destroy that small glow that you have kept in my soul.