Lemonade

I am a sucker for lemonade, a complete total sucker. I don’t care whether it is hand squeezed or the powdered type, I just love lemonade. This is a great thing for me. My addictions have given me so many lemons I will be squeezing for quite a while. Of course, my pile of lemons also grows by life on life’s terms.

The great state where I live and one of its counties have decided that I should not drive for a while and I am still not done with it all. I still have a couple more dates with judges. I know right now that they will not be happy with my driving record or the reasons I will be seeing them but you know what? Those things are my past and even though I will be paying for the dance, it is the past. I have been looking at this as a nudge, no actually a board to the head from my Higher Power. This is the time to take a deep breath, keep working steps and continue on a journey. My life is better already.

Walk? Hell yea!! I can walk to the stores I need. I even have a movie theater just blocks away from my home.. Any night of the week I can walk to a meeting. Why just last Saturday I walked to a meeting at a church. When I came out of the meeting it was about 15 degrees out with a clear sky. I have always been a sucker for ecclesiastical spaces and it was just cool walking through the still church courtyard with the constellations shining brightly down on me. A little meditation time. My Higher Power, me and His creation. A little more than 12 steps home but not many more. Very tasty lemonade indeed.

Hello There, I'm a Drunk and Addict

So you've seen my kind before, I'm positive of that. We are all over. Some might be in your family. Some are in your workplace. It cuts all peoples equally. I am a drunk and an addict.

I heard the testimony of my friend the other day. Cool stuff. He was bad, bad off. Like me. He went to Teen Challenge for a year. Studied, straightened up, cleaned up. I am jealous. My last use was 2 nights ago. I had some beer to calm me down. The night before, actually earlier that morning, I finished a binge with a "side dish."

I was baptized and also proclaimed membership in my local church. Cool stuff. I was told the evil one would come after me hard and fast.......that he did. Or was that just the addictive part of my brain taking a hold of another excuse and running amok as usual.

Unanswered prayers. On my Twitter feed I followed a link to Francis Chan talking about unanswered prayers. I pray. I pray a lot. God gives and I destroy. Now that my life is a shambled mess, I am seeking God more than ever.

Thank you father for all the chances I have been given even though I have blown them all. Let me look to you and keep on believing and loving. Do not let my addictions destroy that small glow that you have kept in my soul.